INTERCHURCH MARRIAGE

    Many interchurch couples are unaware that belonging to different churches could be anything out of the ordinary until they make the exciting decision to get married. They then discover that the churches have their own rules about what is and what isn’t allowed, and that their engagement might give rise to a range of questions ... to which they might not have many answers! 

     

    These pages aim to help with this uncertainty. There have been enormous advances in the approach, and even the rules, of our churches in recent years and we have tried to explain them here. If you don’t find the answer that you need, get in touch via the form here.


    • “We want to get married in church, but we come from different Christian Churches”

      That’s not a problem - attitudes towards marriage between Christians of different churches have changed enormously over the years. In fact, they are now the norm and, while they do bring a few potential challenges, they also offer a great opportunity for closer understanding between the churches – and also between you as a couple.


    • Do we have to meet any conditions?

      All couples are required to meet certain requirements before they can be married - some are laid down by law and others by the churches in which they wish to marry. If you are unsure about the situation in your church or churches the first step is to speak to your local priest or minister – and then you should allow yourselves plenty of time to make the necessary arrangements to meet any conditions that might apply.  


    • How do the churches view marriage?

      Marriage is a public statement (as expressed in your vows) of a deep personal relationship of shared love and mutual commitment which looks forward to a future of life-long faithfulness to each other.  The church sees marriage as a “covenant” or agreement between equal partners not, as was the case in the past, as a “contract” with obligations and control.  Marriage, the churches believe is a spiritual union, in which God is alive, real, and active in the love you share, both during the marriage ceremony and throughout your lives together.


    • What if one of us is a Roman Catholic?

      If one of you is a Roman Catholic and you want the Roman Catholic Church to recognise your marriage, you will need to ask for a dispensation to marry someone who is not a Roman Catholic. This is a formality and there is usually no difficulty about this, so long as the Roman Catholic partner is willing to give the required undertaking.


    • What is this undertaking?

      The Roman Catholic Church requires the Roman Catholic partner to give an undertaking that they will be prepared to avoid the dangers of abandoning the faith and that they will do all they can within the unity of the (marriage) partnership to have all the children of the marriage baptised and brought up in the Roman Catholic Church.  The Roman Catholic can give the undertaking either by signing a form or verbally to a priest.  The other partner is not required to respond in any way or to make any form of undertaking, but they must be told about their partner’s undertaking. 


      It is important to note that the Roman Catholic Church accepts that the marriage relationship takes priority, and that this undertaking should not be allowed to threaten the unity of the marriage.  Rather, the undertaking emphasises the supporting role that a living faith can play in a couple’s life together. 


      The official text of the current Roman Catholic Ecumenical Directory (1993) respects the views of the other partner in the marriage, adding: “At the same time, it should be recognised that the non-Catholic partner may feel a like obligation because of his or her own Christian commitment.” [See “Directory for the Application of Principles & Norms on Ecumenism, norms 150, 151’.]


    • What if one of us is an Anglican and the other from a Free Church?

      In this situation you will need to decide which church you want to be married in and then discuss your plans and the service with the minister or parish priest of that church.  If the other partner is attached to another church, you might wish to speak with the minister of that church as well.


    • Can both our Churches play a part in our wedding?

      Many couples are keen to have the ministers of both their churches take part in the wedding and to have a service that reflects the dual nature of their Christian commitment. This is something for you to discuss with your chosen priest or minister. Usually, it is the minister of the church in which the service takes place who conducts the main part of the wedding service (the vows etc).


    • What are the joys and opportunities of being an Interchurch Family?

      Many couples from different denominations have found that their family life is enriched by sharing the spiritual riches of their different traditions, becoming involved in the life of both Churches, praying and reading Scripture together.  In this way they reap the benefits of belonging to two Christian communities rather than excluding one or the other. 


    • If one of us is divorced, can we marry in church?

      This situation is now much more common in all churches and most ministers understand the pain people have experienced and are willing to discuss your personal circumstances if you wish.  However, if one of you has been divorced and your former partner is still alive, it may not be possible to get married in the church of your choice.  In these circumstances you should explain your situation to the priest or minister of your preferred church as soon as you can so that you can find out what is possible.


    • Are we alone in making this kind of marriage?

      More people than we realise marry across denominational boundaries. For instance, an estimated 70% of Roman Catholics in Britain marry people who are not Catholics. If you want to find out more or talk to people in a similar situation before you make any decisions, please contact us and we will do what we can to help.  


      Our members have faced the challenges of getting married, dealing with parents and in-laws, having children, questions of baptism, schooling, church membership and the possibility of sharing communion together.  No two couples share the same solutions, but all of us would agree that we have gained immensely from the deeper spiritual understanding that a “two-church” marriage brings and that we have wanted to offer our children something of both traditions.  It is worth noting that our members’ experience is mainly of marriages between Roman Catholics and Christians of other churches.


    • In the introduction you said that the potential challenges can bring us opportunities. Ho

      Every couple is unique, and you create your own relationship as each of you bring to it your own experiences in many areas of life. It is therefore extremely important that you talk together about your feelings and expectations as well as your personal faith.  And talking about your wedding and your marriage gives you a marvellous opportunity.  You don’t need to agree about everything, but you do need to know that you can communicate openly, honestly and sincerely about things that matter, both before the wedding and as you grow together throughout married life.


    More Questions

    Further information ...

    We have several articles about two-church marriages and weddings in our Library. Some may seem a bit dated, but the information remains relevant today. [Link to library – marriage section]


    Find out more -  We’re here to help!


    “We would like to help you as you decide how best to live out your commitment to each other as an interchurch couple”

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