BAPTISM

    If you and your partner are from different churches and are thinking about the Baptism of your child you may well have a number of concerns or queries. In this section we have tried to answer some of the most common questions that we have been asked:  


    • I want our child baptised in my church, and my partner wants the baptism in his/hers.

      This isn’t unusual.  It’s natural and good that we each want to share the best of our particular Christian tradition with them – but it doesn’t have to be an “either or solution” as the following FAQs will hopefully illustrate ...


    • Don’t Roman Catholics have to promise to have their children baptised in their church?

      When interchurch couples are preparing for marriage, the Roman Catholic partner is required to make the following promise:


      “…I sincerely undertake that I will do all that I can within the unity of our partnership to have all the children of our marriage baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church.”


      This is, of course, a serious undertaking, but it is made in the understanding that it is not absolute and should not threaten the unity of your marriage.  The partner who is not a Roman Catholic is not asked to make a promise and the 1993 Roman Catholic Ecumenical Directory states that:


      “At the same time, it should be recognised that the non-Catholic partner may feel a like obligation because of his or her own Christian commitment.”


      Decisions about the baptism and Christian upbringing of your children really ought to be made together.  Ideally you will have thought about this before getting married but final decisions are best left until later because your attitudes may well develop once your child is born.  


    • How then can we approach the baptism?

      Baptism unites us with Christ and makes us a member of his Church.  It’s worth considering, therefore, how you intend to bring your child up in the church before making any arrangements for a baptism.  We offer below a few thoughts for you to discuss ....

      If you don’t intend to take your child to church, you might wish to consider whether you really want to ask for baptism. You may prefer a service of thanksgiving for the gift of a child, which some churches offer.

      If only one of you goes to church regularly, it may be appropriate for the baby to be baptised and brought up just in that church.

      If both of you go to church and each of you wants to share the riches of your tradition with your child, you may want to try to bring up your child in the life of both your churches. 


    • Is a two-church upbringing possible?

      It is a big undertaking to decide to bring up your child within both churches.  While some clergy say that this isn’t possible, many interchurch couples have done and have found the experience to be enriching both for themselves and for their child(ren).  For it to work, you will need to develop a deep understanding of each other’s churches, and this will normally require attending both churches fairly regularly - and taking your child(ren) too.


    • What form might the baptism take?

      If you decide to try to bring up your child in both your churches, you may want both ministers and both congregations to share in the celebration of baptism.  But this is most certainly not a requirement – you can still bring your child up in both churches whatever form the baptism takes.


      When talking to your minister(s) it is best not to use the term ‘joint baptism’ because to many clergy this means that both ministers share in the pouring of the water or immersion of the child and/or the saying of the baptismal words.  And some would not regard this as a valid baptism.  


      However, if one minister performs the actual baptism, the other minister can still play a significant part in the service by, for example, saying the prayers, reading a lesson, or giving a sermon.  Many ministers will happily allow you flexibility in the form of the service, drawing on parts of both traditions, but they are not obliged to do so, and some will find the idea strange or even wrong.


      Another thought worth considering when doing your planning is that if your extended families are from different Christian traditions, you might not want to have the baptism, shared or not, during a Mass or communion service in which only half of them may be permitted to receive communion.


    • Will both churches recognise the baptism in whichever church it takes place?

      The Church of England, Methodist Church, Roman Catholic Church, United Reformed Church and many others recognise each another’s baptisms (but see below for churches that practice believer-baptism).  This recognition means that no one has to be baptised a second time if they later decide to move from the church of their baptism to another church that has already recognised that baptism.  


    • Will both churches recognise the baptism in whichever church it takes place?

      The Church of England, Methodist Church, Roman Catholic Church, United Reformed Church and many others recognise each another’s baptisms (but see below for churches that practice believer-baptism).  This recognition means that no one has to be baptised a second time if they later decide to move from the church of their baptism to another church that has already recognised that baptism.  


    • Does this mean that your child can be a member of both your churches?

      Most churches have other requirements for church membership (e.g. Confirmation [Link to ISS6.1]) and there are differing understandings of what church membership actually means [Link to ISS4.1].  Some churches, including the Roman Catholic Church, do not accept that you can fully be a member of another church or denomination as well as of their own church.  That said, many children in interchurch families have grown up with a sense of belonging and loyalty to the churches of both their parents.


    • Can the baptism be registered in both churches?

      For some interchurch couples, dual registration is an important sign that they want to bring up their child as far as possible to share in the life of both churches.  It also shows that both churches support them in this aim.  We know of several cases where couples have registered the baptism in both churches – generally because of the positive attitude of the churches concerned. 


      Where Anglican/Roman Catholic families are concerned we have found that the most likely way to achieve dual registration is for the baptism to take place in an Anglican church with the Catholic priest as the minister of baptism.  The Catholic can then register the baptism as the officiating minister, and the Anglican minister (who can take a large part in assisting in the service) can register the baptism as having taken place in his/her church.  This fits in best with the usual pattern of registering baptism in the two communities. 


      Further details about the regulations covering dual registration in the Anglican church can be found here [Link to article in Library]



    • What if one parent belongs to a church that does not practise infant baptism?

      This raises quite different questions which can be addressed only briefly here and which will require plenty of discussion between you and your supporting ministers.  We offer two thoughts ...

      You could delay baptism until your child is old enough to make a personal decision and, in the meantime, you could ask your two ministers to share in a service of thanksgiving and dedication for your child.  

      Alternatively, you could ask your priest to baptise your child and, as a couple, you could agree to bring your child up in such a way that s/he is able to make a personal commitment through confirmation (or some other service of personal affirmation) when they are older.  It is our understanding that if such an undertaking is fully discussed, some ministers whose church practises believer-baptism might be willing to take some part in the service. 

      However, this is a sensitive matter of church belief and, whichever option you choose, you should not take it for granted that both the priest and the minister will be willing to share together in a service.


    Find out more -  We’re here to help!


    “We would like to help you as you decide how best to live out your commitment to each other as an interchurch couple”

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